
So I am driving home from work, minding my own bidness. And then I hear this flapping sound, like maybe a bird flew too close to my window and flapped it’s little birdie wings out of the way to not to, I don’t know, die. So I go to the next stop light, and look down. And, HELLO MR. BUMBLEBEE, CRAWLING ON MY LEG! I immediately swat him so he’s now riding shotgun, and then Mr. Bee FREAKS THE EFF OUT. More so than me, panicked driver, who is operating a moving vehicle with something that could potentially get stuck in my hair and sting me! How dare he!
So down the windows go, all the way, hoping the bee found it’s way out. I have no idea if he made it to the outside. He’s probably dead in my trunk. At least now I have a hatchback and don’t collect dead bugs like they are those felt bobble head animals on that trunk cover thing that cars have.
I am kinda proud of myself for not crashing into a tree or rear ending another driver all because this bee (who is definitely not a friendly Jerry Seinfeld bee!) decided to spaz out in my car.
Then I am continuing on my bee drive, and a too-nice-for-a-teenager-to-be-driving it-Nissan pulls out in front of me, swerving all over the road. Either a teenager or a grown ass man who still likes to wear baseball hats tipped to the side. (Think Jamie Kennedy in Malibu’s Most Wanted). Seems as if the blunt they just rolled might have dropped in the car, or something to that end. They then throw trash out of the windows.
Seriously, who litters anymore??? I littered once in my entire life and to this day I will never do it again. My stepbrothers were fighting in the car over an empty slurpee cup (they were hitting eachother with it or something) and I got fed up and threw it out the window. The look of shock on my parents faces made me never want to litter again.
Anyway, they continue to drive insanely slow. And me, still trying to be a calm driver to as not to upset the bee that might or might not be in my car, took it all in stride. Although I have a feeling they were driving that slow because they were too high to be operating the vehichle and 35 mph must have felt like a roller coaster. Then we happen upon a bike rider and boy did I fear for that man’s life. Then they just so happen to be turning where I am turning, the joy.
We get to a red light. We stop. It turns green. We are still stopped. For awhile. I don’t blow my horn, because I don’t want to freak out the bee if it’s still there, or get shot because some people can’t control their road rage (search it on msnbc and you will find way too many stories!). The guy behind me decides to take it upon himself to do the beeping.
Then I get treated to the finger waved at me outside the sunroof. Three times. Because once was not enough. Like I was the asshat who was STOPPED AT A GREEN LIGHT. WTF??? It wasn’t even me! And if it was, did the sound inconvenience him so much, like delaying me from getting to my destination by not going through the intersection in a timely manner?
Where’s a traffic cop when you need them? Pulling over people with a broken tail light or something I bet.